A simple communication framework for co‑parents

Co‑parenting conversations work best when they are specific, respectful, and easy to reference later. The following structure keeps threads short while preserving important context.

The CFOD model

Context: one sentence that names the topic and timeframe. Example: “Vaccination appointment for Sam on 12 Sept at 2pm.”
Facts: objective information only (dates, times, prior agreements, attachments). Avoid opinions here.
Options: 1–2 workable proposals. Keep them realistic. If relevant, include potential trade‑offs (e.g., who can drive, childcare coverage).
Decision: what you believe is agreed; ask for a simple “Confirmed” reply.

Why structure helps

Structured messages reduce ambiguity and separate facts from feelings. This makes it easier for both parents—and any professionals later involved—to follow the history without re‑litigating old conversations. Keeping options concrete also makes “no” less personal: you’re reacting to a proposal, not a person.

A reusable template

Context: topicFacts: objective details only (dates, times, attachments)Options: Option A / Option BDecision: proposed outcome + start date

Examples you can adapt

Scheduling

Context: Dentist for Maya Facts: Dentist offered Tue 16:00 or Thu 09:30. Our calendar is free on both. Options: A) Thu 09:30 (I can drive), B) Tue 16:00 (can you drive?) Decision: I propose Thu 09:30. Confirm?

Expenses

Context: School shoes (Liam) Facts: Receipt £38.50 attached, category: school. Paid today. Options: A) Split 50/50, B) I cover now, adjust at monthly reconciliation Decision: Suggest 50/50; OK?

Common pitfalls to avoid

Mixing topics—create a new thread when the subject changes.
Leading with judgments (“you never…”) rather than observations.
Implied deadlines—state dates explicitly.
Attaching key documents without naming them clearly.